Obey the Sloth
by The Truth's Lie
Summary: For fangirl-crossing. "Seeing as you can't keep your fat ass out of trouble there is only one logical thing to do. If you are a superhero, rationally, I must become your ninja sidekick to keep you safe."


"So, wait, let's back it up," Stan said loudly. "Tweek has no idea that you're a superhero?" Clyde shakes his head.

"Not a clue."

"And you haven't bothered to tell him?" Token asks, frowning at his friend.

"Dude," Kenny says, "that's totally not cool. Doesn't he wonder where you go at night?"

"Well, yeah, but I always tell him I was in a traffic jam or my boss wouldn't let me go."

"You can't keep lying to him." Stan says. "If he finds out on his own it's going to start a shit load of trouble about not telling him in the first place."

"Yeah, I told Pip right away." Token comments. "He was really scared at first but admitted he felt better now that he knew where I was going." He smirks. "Then he started redesigning my costume."

"But Tweek's different, he's…Tweek. What if he freaks out?"

"Dude, it's Tweak. Where the hell have you been? He's a tough S.O.B. The most he's going to do is hit you over the head with his thermos or something. Remember what he did to Cartman?" Kenny laughs.

"Aren't relationships supposed to be built on trust and truthfulness and crap like that?" Stan asks.

"That's easy for you to say, you're all dating people that knew from the start. And if you're not, they're all freaks! No offense, but they're used to weird stuff happening. Tweek freaks out if he watches a scary movie after eight."

"Clyde…"

"Suck it up, princess!"

"What did you say about my man? Do I have to cut a bitch?"

"All right, all right! I'll tell him next time I see him. Just please…no more…whatever the hell that was, that was just plain odd. Don't do it again. I'll tell Tweek tomorrow or something."

"No," Kenny drawls, "You tell him today. Go, you chubby ass mother-fucker, go to your man!" The group whoops suggestively as Clyde is pushed from his seat and sent out of the house and over the hill.

"Go, Clyde, go!" Stan calls from the doorway. "And don't come back until Tweek knows the truth."

"We'll be watching!" Token adds.

It was a short walk from Stan's house to Tweek's place and the bright blue building sticks out like a sore thumb. Sighing, he knocked on the door. Tweek stands before him in his old duck pajamas, sloth doll clutched in his small hands and a surprised look on his face. "Clyde? What the fuck are you doing here at three o'clock? Isn't our date at seven? Is someone dead? Please tell me it's Cartman."

"No, Tweek. No one's dead. Can I talk to you?"

He blinks at the tone. "Sure, dude, come in." Clyde follows the blonde and smiles when he collapses on the sofa, motioning for him to do the same. Tweek played with his stuffed animal happily while he waits for his boyfriend to speak, lifting the arms and legs in a strange dance. "Dark lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one. Danced to her gypsy music 'till her brew was done." He sings, making the doll, ironically named Madonna, pirouette. Clyde sits on the edge as Tweek props his feet into his lap. The sloth's beady eyes stare at him wisely. _Do it, young one, _it says, _Obey the power of the sloth…obey…_

"Tweek I have something to tell you." He says in a rush.

"Yeah, I figured that when you knocked on my door in the middle of my show saying "Tweek I have something to tell you", dude. Seriously."

_Obey…_

"I'm working on it, shut the fuck up you Chinese stuffed creature from hell!"

It took a second for Clyde to realize he had been having a conversation with Tweek's stuffed animal and actually saying the words instead of just thinking them like he had hoped to.

_Dude, not cool. I'm just trying to help. You don't need to be a bitch, man. Sheesh…_

The blonde gives him a strange look and holds his sloth closer. "Okay…" he drawls. "I guess…"

"Tweek, what would you do if I told you I was a superhero?"

"Why? Are you a superhero?"

"That depends. Tell me what you would do."

Tweek snuggles the doll before dropping it onto the floor gently, resting his head on his palms. "Well, is there a danger of you dying a horrible death by penguins?"

"More like fire."

"I see. I suppose if you are a superhero and don't plan on stopping any time soon-"

"I don't"

Tweek coughs lightly at the interruption and waits for him to finish. Clyde blushes softly like a child caught with his hand down his pants. "Well," He continues, "I guess if you are a superhero I would simply have to become your ninja sidekick."

"I understand, I…wait, what?"

The blonde sighs and hits Clyde in the head with his foot. "Stop interrupting. Seeing as you can't keep your fat ass out of trouble there is only one logical thing to do. If you are a superhero, rationally, I must become your ninja sidekick to keep you safe. I wonder if I have any eyeliner left. I could probably borrow some from Craig if it came right down to it…"

"…Why would Craig have eyeliner?"

"I'm not allowed to talk about it. Let's just assume he does. Come along, dear Clyde, we have to go buy me black tights, your treat." Clyde is pulled off the sofa by an excited blonde. Suddenly, Tweek is swept into a tight hug and snuggled against Clyde's broad chest.

"You're amazing you know that, right?"

"Yes, I know. I am also sexy, a great catch, and can rock a pair of skinny jeans like nobody's business, what's your point?"

Clyde laughs and swings him around in a wide circle. Tweek scratches down his back at the vertigo. He kisses the blonde softly and smirks when he falls silent. "That," He kisses his forehead, "Is exactly what I thought at first."

"That's makes absolutely no sense and we all know it, you idiot."

"It doesn't have to, Tweek, we're young and in love." Tweek smiles into Clyde's shoulder and rolls his eyes.

"So, things don't have to make sense because you say so?"

"Exactly."

"Like that time you refused to stop walking around in your bathing suit during the middle of winter because you thought you looked sexy?"

"Tweek, be quiet and kiss me."

"Yes sir." The blonde pecks his boyfriend's cheek and scrambles out of the tight grasp, smiling coyly at his disappointed look. "Now come on, mosquito-boy, we have work to do."

For the second time today Clyde is struck speechless. "Wait, so all this time, you knew?"

Tweek's look is innocent, the same look he uses to trick people into doing what he wants. "Knew what, dearest Clyde?"

"That I was a superhero. You knew all this time, didn't you?" The blonde smiles and pats Clyde's cheek lovingly.

"It's adorable when you think you're the only one with secrets." He coos. Clyde's eyes are wide and adoring.

"I love you, man." Tweek laughs as he's swept into another bear hug.

"Who doesn't, Clyde, who doesn't?"


End file.
